And holy shit, those two years were...transformative.
Florida did not treat me well, after all. I had two jobs I hated, and sacrificed living with my then-partner for them, and regretted that choice and burnt out terribly. Then I lived with my then-partner again, and realized we had both changed deeply, and had stopped knowing how to really communicate to each other how much we had changed.
If you couldn't guess, we then broke up. It's pretty much amicable now, but it took a lot out of me to do.
If you couldn't guess from those last two things, I moved back to New York City. I'm not looking forward to winter here, but I'm reconnecting with old support networks, and the city itself feels wonderful and supportive in a way that's hard to describe, so that's progress. No formal job yet, but a lot of promising leads. We shall see.
I think I'm polyamorous-ish. Open-ish. Capable of loving more than one person, given that they love me back and accept the possibility. I'm still defining love, defining relationship instead of friendship, and having a lot of trouble with that, but that's a work in progress.
I have the possibility of a wonderful, wonderful partner in Boston if his primary will let me in - though that's very doubtful, and the fact that there's doubt there is its own story that I don't think I'll make public just yet. I will say I will hopefully be in Boston in two weeks, meeting said primary, seeing what happens. I am...cautious and scared, but also hopeful.
I have (had?) the possibility of a lovely partner in Pittsburgh, but I think his own mental health is in the way between us and our actually being able to support each other, and that's just tragic for so many reasons.
Beyond ending things in February I've had some other rejections too at varying levels of angst.
I'm slowly opening up to the possibility of directly looking for someone here locally, but it's a process, and the whole "specifically looking for people to date" thing feels so weird to me, after stumbling into all of my relationships so far based on my participation in shared interests. But it would be nice to get affection and intimacy to help me cope with the other things going on in my brain and my life.
Beyond those things, I'm exploring things I love. Livestreaming roguelikes three times a week, volunteering in civic tech activism once a week, talking to friends, drinking good beer, watching good soccer, wandering New York City. We'll see what the future holds.This post was originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever you prefer.